Sex and the Married Catholic Woman

My first job after college graduation was as a “Training Specialist” at a large corporation. I taught computer software classes. It was the mid-80’s and I had all sorts of plans for life. I had just delivered my first son and my sister was his caregiver during my long days at work. I loved my job, I loved my new baby, and I loved my husband. Although the plan was to essentially have it all, I can’t say it was as much my own personal goals as simply the general goals of women my age. Many of us weren’t consciously choosing this life; rather, we were swept along in the tides of liberation. I suppose many of my generation probably felt obligated to at least make a nominal grab at the brass ring, after all, our predecessors had done an awful lot of bra-burning and picketing to make our life better. Right?

So, when a page from a 50’s woman’s magazine made its way around the office, and then was posted in the break room for all of us to see, we chuckled -- as required -- and poked fun at the list of “Wifely Duties” as laid out in the one page copy.

I can remember that day as if it were yesterday because there was something deep down inside of me that stirred in response to that 50’s woman’s magazine. And the stirring wasn’t anger or resentment but a sort of envy. “Hmmm,” I pondered, “what would that life be like?” Her obligations may have appeared a bit different than mine but had to be just as demanding and I would imagine just as fulfilling and frustrating as well. To this day I believe that most of the young women who ridiculed that picture had to have some sort of recognition that “wifely duties” weren’t all bad things. In fact, I’m sure that every woman who laughed at the idea has her own list of “husbandly duties” and wouldn’t think twice of adding to it.

No matter what age they live in, women will always have certain obligations if they have been called to the vocation of marriage. Some obligations will be embraced while others will be considered necessary but unpleasant. This attitude towards these “duties” is certainly affected by the culture, as witnessed from the magazine page all the way through today’s Hollywood messages. Cleaning bathrooms is probably at the top of the “necessary but unpleasant” list, should a woman be asked to make such an inventory. Sadly, however, what may very well compete for one of the top spots of this imaginary “necessary-but-unpleasant” list of wifely duties happens to be sexual relations with her husband.
I will admit right here and now that I’m not big on statistics. It seems that just about anyone can find at least one study done by some particular group or another that will support an argument being put forth. So, I am positive there are studies that will show that many women have stopped having sexual relations with their husband after 15 years of marriage while others will say some enjoy an active sex life well into their 50th year of marriage. But let’s face it, many of us know of someone – and that someone might be you -- for whom marital sex has become a “chore” or is no longer part of the marriage. Or, it may occur once a month or every other month. I know many such women, all with varying reasons, for whom sex is non-existent or barely existent within their marriage.

But is this good for the woman? The marriage? What does this say to the husband? The Catechism of the Catholic Church # 2332 states:

Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul. It especially concerns affectivity, the capacity to love and procreate, and in a more general way the aptitude for forming bonds of communion with others.

In regards to the sexual nature of the married man and woman there is a bond that forms, and continues to develop, that will be unlike any other bond that this same man and woman would be able to form with any other person. To deny the development of this bond is to deny a unique communion of these two people who will otherwise never be able to know such a bond on earth. In other words, the physical intimacy of their union is such that nothing else will ever be like it or will ever produce the same results – whether this means children or an intimacy experienced that is holy and from God.

JPII taught very clearly on the “gift of self” and when a woman understands that gift of self has many dimensions, she will also see that one of those dimensions is the physical way in which she can give herself to her husband. A husband, then, also has obligations as the “receiver” of this gift. Jewish law teaches that a man who pleases his wife is doing a mitzvah – a good deed. This teaching is many thousands of years old and clearly based upon the understanding that God created the martial union for the pleasure of both husband and wife but also in the ways in which it elevates them as pro-creators with God. The rules and regulations of sexual intimacy between a Jewish husband and wife are many and are meant for their mutual benefit. Of those laws there are specific ones in regards to what is not acceptable. This includes exploitation, rape, incest, coercion, or subjugation of another person.

Sex within a marriage is considered sacred. Jewish teaching says that it is a sin not to enjoy sexual intimacy within marriage.

If we can collectively agree that the need to practice self-control is a given part of man’s nature – and we are specifically speaking about “man,” then wives should feel an obligation to at least consider ways in which their denial of sex puts undue strain upon the expectation of a husband’s fidelity. While this does not give a man freedom to place blame on a woman for his infidelity, it does make it necessary for a woman to take responsibility for her decisions regarding withholding sex in a marriage.

The sexual revolution screamed for women to take control of their bodies, to no longer be tied to one man, to have control over their sexual reproduction. When a woman responded to the sexual revolution with an attitude that her body was specifically hers to give or keep, all else became secondary. Most specifically, this attitude ended up in the marriage bed where a woman was now “expected” to withhold herself even if it was just to make a statement. It was all about “her” and not about “them.” Women were now “in charge” of everything and men were on their way to paying the price for whatever role they may or may not have had in the repression of women. Emasculation began in full.

Let’s say this same woman, who no longer gave freely of herself in bed, was married to a man who woke up one Saturday and said, “Honey, I need a break today. Is it okay with you if I don’t cut the lawn?”

All other things being equal – meaning we assume this husband is responsible and a good husband and father – this wife’s response will be something like this, “Sure! There won’t be any problem if it waits till next week.”

The week then passes and Saturday morning the wife fully expects that the lawn will be cut because now it is getting a bit long and the neighbors are eyeing it. The husband wakes up and stretches his arms out and says a bit sheepishly, “Gee, it was good to take a break from cutting the lawn last week. What could another week hurt?” To which the wife’s dismay may be seen on her face but she is willing to let it slide.

By the third week the husband no longer cares about the lawn. The wife could hire someone to cut it but the husband would be furious and she is left seeing her husband in a less than stellar light. This continues and then begins to affect additional aspects of how each views the other. This was a conscious choice of the husband’s, not to cut the lawn. It wasn’t something that was out of his control. This isn’t to say that he was always in the mood to cut the lawn but that, regardless of the mood, it was something that he should be doing.

Is it ridiculous to expect the husband to cut the lawn? I think not.

Is it unreasonable for a wife to give herself to her husband even is she is not “in the mood?” I think not.

But this brings us back to the point where there has to be a common understanding that the union of a husband and a wife is a gift from God. Both ought to come to a place in their marriage where they see this union as a way for them to grow and develop together. Whether they are in the middle of child-bearing years or at a time when the union itself offers an intimacy that can only be had within that union, a married couple should see their sexual relationship as holy and sacred. A husband should learn ways in which he can romance his wife and put her in the mood while a wife should learn ways in which she can still give of herself when the mood doesn’t manifest.

It is not right for a woman to expect faithfulness from her husband and yet stack everything against his being able to be faithful. It also is not right for a husband to always expect his wife to be intimate as her emotional and physical make-up is different than his and requires different stimulus, so to speak. However, and most importantly, it is not right for either a husband and a wife to believe that “duties” are not part of the marriage.

I know a woman who, for physical reasons, began abstaining from relations with her husband. The reasons were legitimate, her ailments real. But as time wore on, and the reasons for abstaining from a sexual relationship began to wane, the physical intimacy did not get re-established. In the interim, her expectations of her husband’s patience for the situation continued to mount. “If he loves me,” she would say, “he will know that I just can’t.” And, of course, he did love her. He loved her tremendously, but his physical needs were just as real as her ailments and as time went on, and he could see that she was not going to make an effort towards the intimacy they once had – even if it would be different because of time and circumstances – and he began to question her love for him. His final, painful conclusion was that she no longer loved him and their marriage ultimately ended.

Surely blame can be laid at the feet of both husband and wife and yet there can be no argument that the husband’s need for physical love from his wife was as real as his wife’s need for abstinence at the outset of her medical condition. But once things began to change, there needed to be a renewed interest in their physical love for one another. Two very real Catholic teachings on marriage are important to understand when discussing a sexual relationship for husband and wife.

The first is to recognize that a married couple’s combined goal is to help one another get to heaven. This involves the day-to-day responsibilities that require patience, perseverance, and commitment to the union and the family unit. In addition, to achieve this goal, both husband and wife must be interested in the faith development of the other and not only support and encourage it but never become a hindrance to it.

The second is to recognize what we read in Matthew 5:27-28:

You have heard that it is said, “You shall not commit adultery.” But I say to you that every one who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

In other words, a wife should be cautious and not put her husband in a position where he will surely have committed adultery in his heart, break the sixth commandment, and then fall into mortal sin. The husband still has his own responsibilities and obligations to keep himself from mortal sin but the wife should not become “Eve” in her marriage.

The great Jewish sage, Maimonides wrote:

No prohibition in all the Torah is as difficult to keep as that of forbidden unions and illicit sexual relations.

The knowledge that the physical intimacy that can exist between a husband and a wife is also something that can exist as an urge outside of that union has always been recognized. But just as it is recognized, it is expected to be controlled. Catholicism has long taught the virtue of self-control and it is completely reasonable for a wife to expect that virtue to be practiced by her husband. However, she should not put him in a position that the virtue becomes impossible to attain.

In the end, both a husband and a wife have duties or obligations to one another. The good Lord has made one of those obligations physical and sacred. It is meant for their mutual pleasure and continued growth as man and wife. It can be used as one part of an earthly journey where the ultimate destination is heaven or it can be misused and become a instrument of control or sorrow. For each to fully embrace the gift of physical love, both husband and wife are obligated to fulfill their duties with love, honor, and respect.



Cheryl Dickow is the Associate Editor of www.Woman.CatholicExchange.com an online magazine for Catholic women.

New Online Magazine for Catholic Women is Launched

It is with great pleasure that I invite you to the new online magazine for Catholic women! Launched by the non-profit organization Catholic Exchange, www.woman.catholicexchange.com has been created especially for today's Catholic woman. Articles that range from inspirational to practical and everything in between will be found on this exciting new site.

Articles are always archived so if you miss a day or two, you'll still be able to catch up. Last week Sarah Reinhardt wrote on the Blessed Mother's title "Our Lady of Prompt Succor." This week Sarah delves into Mary's title as "Our Lady of Grace."

We've also got Lisa Hendey writing a column "Geek Gal" where she shares great information on technology and the Catholic woman. Then there's Pat Gohn who's writing a series of columns on the Catechism. Joan Kelly is writing a gardening column and, well, there's so much more in store!

Visit us today at www.woman.catholicexchange.com.

You are a Daughter of the King!

“As the daughter of the King, you are a princess!”

These are the most powerful words a Catholic girl can hear, know, understand, and believe. Fortunately, many young girls come from homes where this particular dialogue in a common occurrence. Others come from homes where this message is said, from time to time, but not often enough. For still others, this is a message that isn’t said at all, under any circumstances. Regardless of whichever situation a young Catholic girl experiences, however, the words are no less true, needed, and valuable.

For me, these were words I neither heard nor knew as I grew up as a child of divorce where Catholicism was left behind like a shredded tire on the side of the highway. Parents who belonged to strong Catholic families with strong Catholic ties were too wounded themselves to worry about the wounds that had been inflicted upon their child. Sadly, instead of turning to their faith, they turned from it. Instead of seeing the healing balm found in their faith, they believed healing to be outside of it, separate from it. Of course the ramifications of those decisions were to impart neither the faith nor its Truths to me, their only child.

This isn’t to say that God didn’t provide me with graces, though. Indeed, it was during these years in my life that I spent countless time in the Jewish homes of my friends and neighbors. I learned of Jesus as a Jew before I learned of Jesus as a Savior. My debt to these families will never be known but I have always been able to see how God’s hand has guided my life.

And so, as a grown woman, my own personal journey continues. It is one in which the Catholic roots planted by grandparents created a foundation that I would eventually embrace with passion. And while I can’t imagine how my journey could have otherwise unfolded, I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. I understand how our personal experiences are necessary for our spiritual growth and yet I have a deep aching to know that this message of Christ’s love is imparted to every young Catholic girl today.

So, as I continue to edit the “All Things Girl” series I find myself being buoyed by the knowledge that any and every girl who reads these words will have her heart touched in a way that may be both valuable and necessary but also in a way that creates a foundation from which a love and relationship with Christ will flourish. I see these books as having an impact regardless of which home situation the young Catholic girl lives in, whether she is constantly reminded of Christ’s love or has never heard of such a thing. I am reminded of what we are told in Ecclesiastes 12:1, “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth.” The foundation and relationship of faith must be formed during this time of youth to prepare a child for the days ahead.

Yes, they are words I wish someone had said to me but now I am able to marvel at how loving God is that He would allow me to help those words be said to others! In my own quest to know, love, and serve Him, He has allowed me to passionately contribute to that same quest of others. He’s allowing me to help make sure that every girl knows that she is His daughter and, thus, a princess. The authors of the series have shared their amazement at the way in which I can “jump into their skin and complete a thought or emphasize a point.” It is because I want every young girl to rejoice in what is being said within the pages of this series. I want every young girl to know her value in the eyes of Jesus and how loving Him and serving Him will always be like a gift she continues to enjoy. In passionately telling each young reader how much she is loved by Jesus, I am telling myself, as well.

I’ve just completed editing the third book in this ground-breaking series. The first title being “Friends, Boys, and Getting Along” and the second title is “Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall…What is Beauty, After All?” The title just completed is called “Girls Rock!” and I am so thankful to have been part of this work.

“Girls Rock!” is filled with stories about women of faith. Whether looking at the story of Ruth or reading about Mother Anjelica and Dorothy Day, Catholic girls are inspired to respond to God in a very real, very personal way. Each and every reader is asked to say “yes” to God in her daily walk.

This book, like all the others in the series, weaves the Truths of Catholicism throughout and uses the teachings of JPII’s Theology of the Body and Mulieris Dignitatem in such a way so that every girl rejoices in her role as princess. Real issues are faced in real ways and girls are encouraged to “have a plan” in which their personal relationship with Jesus is developed through prayer and everyday behaviors.

When I was a young mother and had my three baby boys I used to remark that God knew I wasn’t equipped to raise daughters and so did not give me girls. In many ways I was too wounded to tend to the special needs of a girl and He knew that. And I was grateful! Raising boys had its own challenges but I knew they were quite different than the challenges faced with raising girls. Then, having taught many years in a parochial school environment, I began seeing the needs of young girls from a perspective and position in which I could respond. Not being the mother and yet being the teacher (religion and English) allowed me to emphatically tell my young charges about Jesus and His love for each and every one of them. There was a perfect balance between closeness and distance from which I could “preach.” Yes, there were rolled eyes but they didn’t hurt me, the teacher, as much as they often hurt a mother. I worked past all that and kept delivering my message of what it means to be a daughter of the King.

Indeed, as I worked through my own understanding of Christ’s love for me, I was able to share my enthusiasm with my middle school students, but especially with those girls in my classroom. Every message I had never heard as a young girl now became a lesson. Every Truth that had been hidden from me, I now revealed in my classes. I spoke to each girl as if she were my long lost daughter or maybe my future daughter-in-law. Every girl needed to know who she was in Jesus and make that relationship her top priority. As a consequence, boys couldn’t help but take away the knowledge that they had better be treating these girls with honor and respect as daughters of the King.

The boys were easily able to see that that, they, too, were His children. They were His sons, they were princes! I admit that sometimes I was practically jumping around the classroom.

I share all this to say, imagine my feelings in being asked to edit this book series! After speaking at a woman’s conference a couple of years ago, a woman came up to me and breathlessly asked, “Wow. What has happened to you that you could be so inspirational?” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but now I finally do. I cry tears of joy at the idea that God uses each of us, if we allow it, for His purpose and for His glory. And that He has so honored me to work on this book series is testament to the graces He has in store for each and every princess, regardless of her age.



Note: To contact the authors of this series for a presentation, conference, or mother-daughter event for your parish or diocese, visit their websites at http://www.teresatomeo.com/ or http://www.runwaytoreality.org/.

Just One Judge

Joe Condit is a man on fire for his faith. Along with numerous business ventures in which he serves Catholics, Joe also has an intense fervor for the pro-life roots of life as he has always known it. You see, Joe is glad to let you know that his parents met at a pro-life rally and that throughout the years that followed it has been family tradition that extends to aunts and uncle and cousins, that helping in all areas of the pro-life arena was just what one does.

So, it is no surprise that in these last few crucial days before the presidential election, Joe has put all his own interests and endeavors on a back burner to answer a call for which he has great passion. Joe recently spearheaded the website http://www.justonejudge.com/ , which was founded by Jason Jones, in order to bring an awareness of how this election will ultimately affect our nation as a whole but, also, to ask his fellow Catholics to consider ways in which their vote ought to reflect Church teachings on abortion. And, as providence would have it, Joe resides in the key state of Ohio.

As a Catholic, Joe takes serious the belief that we are all personally accountable for our choices and our actions. While Joe applies this to his own life, he has decided to apply this to politics as well. http://www.justonejudge.com/ is a site where there is an opportunity to support both the teachings of the Catholic Church by casting a pro-life ballot but also hold the elected officials accountable once in office, thus the site offers a petition for voters eager to do just that; make politicians accountable.

My path crossed Joe’s in a very round-about way and yet quite without coincidence. Catholic Exchange will soon be launching a woman’s channel called “Today’s Catholic Woman” of which I will have the honor of coordinating. With that role in mind, I happened to be speaking with Matt Swaim, the producer of Brian Patrick’s show on Sacred Heart radio. Matt and I were confirming plans for me to have a regular spot on Brian’s show where I would share the things that Catholic women were thinking about, commenting on, and discussing with one another on the channel. At the end of the conversation, Matt tells me about a guest who was just on the show (Joe Condit) who had spearheaded this site (http://www.justonejudge.com/) in response to the Church’s teaching on abortion. It was a site meant to provide a means to feel empowered, so to speak, when supporting life issues. So, Matt suggests I contact Joe and I do. I speak with Joe for awhile and feel a real sense of passion. Sure, we’re preaching to the choir during our conversation but this site puts a whole new twist on things for Catholics and the conversation is worth sharing.

What has made you put life and career "on hold" right now to bring www.justonejudge.com to light?

This election is, and will be, the most critical election of our time in regards to the fight against abortion. If we do not get a judge in the Supreme Court that will push the vote in favor of pro-life, we will have lost THE BEST chance to begin the end to abortion since it was legalized. For that reason alone, and for the JustOneJudge.com campaign, it is well worth me putting my personal life on hold for such a short amount of time. What a small sacrifice to make for something that could be so great. I look at this chance as our only chance, and every American citizen who believes in the respect for human life hopefully realizes the same.

In talking with you, you readily admit that people may feel they are choosing "the lesser of two evils" and yet they still ought to know the great need for casting a ballot that supports life. How do you see signing the petition on www.justonejudge.com as helping those who feel that frustration?

The growing frustration of many voters is a major reason why this http://www.justonejudge.com/ campaign was created. To help ease some of that frustration and to assure voters their vote WILL make a difference. The JustOneJudge.com petition will go straight to DC where it will hold the winning candidate accountable for his promises. The JustOneJudge.com online petition will remind the new president that we, the pro-life voters, were the reason he obtained the presidential seat! That petition will scream, "Please give us the judge you promised that will support pro-life and tip the courts to end Roe vs Wade." I urge everyone to do their part and sign the JustOneJudge.com online petition.

You spoke of voters needing to make a pledge to themselves. What do you mean by that?

Voters need to step back from all the media confusion, complex issues, propaganda, and recognize that we have an extremely rare opportunity to make a difference on THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE that exists, ending abortion. By signing the online petition the voter endorses the JustOneJudge.com fight to make sure the new president (should we elect a pro-life president) keeps his word, giving us a Supreme Court Justice who believes in ending abortion. In addition, I ask all my fellow pro-life voters to use the JustOneJudge.com petition as a practice vote, pledging to themselves that they will vote pro-life this election and urge all of their friends to as well.

You and I spoke, at length, about the ways in which abortion is not on the same playing field as war or other social issues. This seems to be a critical message for Catholics to hear, especially since the Church teaches that abortion is an intrinsic evil. Could you please share how this election, and your site www.justonejudge.com, can make a difference for the future of this intrinsic evil?

This election decides the president who will appoint the next several justices of the Supreme Court. That will be the most powerful presidential decision, when it is exercised. www.JustOneJudge.com is THE movement trying to make a difference by doing everything possible to help people understand the importance of a pro-life vote and, then, hold the new president accountable for a pro-life judge. We are certain JustOneJudge.com will make a difference by raising awareness and educating people about the fight for a new pro-life Supreme Court justice.

You come from a family who gives much in the way of time and resources for pro-life causes and individual instances. How has this affected you?
I have had tremendous role models in my family when it comes to being Pro-Life. My family is full of lawyers who have performed countless free legal work for the fight against abortion. My uncle and my grandfather were both arrested once for praying in front of an abortion clinic, something I am very proud to share. They are the reasons I am so passionate about this cause and so thrilled to have the opportunity to serve God and the innocent unborn.

Can a Catholic Vote Anti-Life?

There were many years of my life that I found myself to be quite jealous of friends who had been raised in their Catholic faith. They had what I had always wanted. I longed to be connected to God in a way that I believed only happened when one is fully immersed in the lifelong practices of his or her faith. As a child of divorce, my parents had long abandoned their Catholic identity and I was left to forge my own relationship with God. Indeed, I had to even decide that this was something I wanted, as it was never put before me as a “life” option. I saw that my grandparents were faith-filled Catholics and had sacrificed dearly to send their children, my parents, to parochial schools and yet I was also privy to the ways in which that same faith seemed to push my parents away as their young marriage ended. There weren’t any mixed messages, though. The messages were quite clear: the Catholic faith wasn’t what we practiced in our home.

As I grew into my teen years, and with the bare minimum in catecheses (thank God, literally, that my mom and dad had baptized me and that I had received the sacraments of communion and confirmation), I spent most of my time in Jewish homes where I learned of Jesus as a Jew and loved Him in that regard before I fully understood what it meant that He was my Savior and loved Him as I do now. But always there was that lingering feeling, deep down inside, of a simple sadness of what I had missed out on and the wonder of what life would have been like had Jesus been part of it from the get-go.

It required a tremendous amount of time, energy, and effort for me to learn my faith. I have spent countless hours and many thousands of dollars catechizing myself as a Catholic.

I can clearly remember sitting in Church and gazing at the priest as he held up the Host and then bursting into tears because my many Passover dinners as a youth came flooding back to me. I could not contain my emotions and had to leave Church without receiving communion because I was sobbing uncontrollably at the beautiful connection. I became on-fire for my Catholic faith and could not get enough information. I prayed and researched and wrote and prayed some more. As God would have it, I became close friends with a Protestant sister who taught me a love for the Word and I began voraciously reading Scripture. I could not get enough of the words which seemed to float off the pages and into my heart.

All the while, that little sadness kept nipping at me. “If only you had known Jesus this much before…” It wasn’t as if I wasn’t grateful for finally being indoctrinated but, rather, that sort of regret because something is so magnificent that you would have liked it all along!

Meanwhile, as I spent years trying to “catch” up to my Catholic brothers and sisters and know the faith; I would hear rumblings about this person missing out on that dogma or that person missing out on this understanding. However, I never really understood what the complaints were about because I assumed the complainer was just being a little harsh on the institution as a whole. I remember, earlier this year, editing Teresa Tomeo’s book “Newsflash” and understanding, more fully, what the grumbling was based upon. I began to get a sense that the lack of teaching to Catholic flock wasn’t just a matter of missing a thing here or there but of the inevitable consequence of having many thousands, even hundreds of thousands, who did not actually know what the Catholic Church taught on specific things. As I had catechized myself, and had no personal baggage that accompanied my headfirst plunge into Catholicism, I found myself at odds with other Catholics on Church teachings.

None of this has been more apparent than these last few months leading up to the election. I can long remember questioning everyone (and getting no answer) how a Catholic could also be a democrat. Ted Kennedy was a conundrum to me. I tried to tell anyone who would listen that the Church was quite clear that abortion was the ultimate evil and that there weren’t other evil’s that could take up the same shelf space, so to speak. This wasn’t to say that war wasn’t evil or that the economy wasn’t an issue. It was just that they were issues that had a number of different answers and alternatives while abortion had no alternatives. It was killing a child. And so how could a Catholic side with anti-life legislation?

I heard many great and mighty arguments on why a Catholic could be a democrat and each was more offensive than the last. All I had was Church teaching to bring to the discussions but no one really wanted to listen to Church teaching. There were times that I became emotionally exhausted from fighting the “good fight.” Maybe, I thought, I really didn’t understand the Church correctly and all these things were on the same playing field. Maybe abortion and war and the economy were all one in the same. After all, could that many Catholics be wrong? And such high profile Catholics as Biden, Pelosi, and Kennedy? I was willing to admit defeat, whether from sheer exhaustion or frustration, I could not tell.

However, I still couldn’t let go of what I considered to be God’s providential timing of a couple of things during this historic presidential election. Why, I prayed, did the Lord have the very significant anniversaries of Humanae Vitae and Mulieris Dignitatem come up now? Could it be that God wanted Catholics to study and know these documents before going to the polls? Does God really work like that? I have a dear friend who says there are no such things as coincidences and I tend to agree with her but obviously don’t have any idea if God is calling Catholics to unite for life right now, during this critical juncture in American history.

As many people know, my love for the Jewish roots of our faith run deep. It was in Jewish homes and with Jewish families that I first really knew Christ. I can’t help but think of the times in which God would allow His people to be overrun by their enemies, punished, really. Is that what is in store for us? I can’t help think of how much our precious nation has changed in the past 20 years and although I may be politically incorrect, I do not believe many of the changes have been for the better. Same-sex marriages, the culture of death, and the total disregard for personal or social responsibility have overtaken our nation. Even in the midst of some very serious financial woes, I still wonder if the ultimate issue is abortion or if that is simply my misinterpretation of Church teachings.

I have to admit to myself that many Catholics seem to have many mixed messages and, as a result, are willing to usher in as president of the United States a man who supports abortion, fully and unequivocally. Can that many Catholics be wrong? And if it is not the ultimate evil, then, admittedly, there are no lines in the sand, right? Does that make sense?

But, more importantly, if abortion is the ultimate evil, as the Church teaches, and Catholics vote for a man who supports it, what stain will that put upon that voter’s soul? I’m just asking…Isn’t it better to error on the side of caution and vote accordingly?

For me the most beneficial experience of this election has been in my finally letting go of the sadness at what I believed I had missed out on in not being raised in the faith. Having catechized myself over the past 20 year has allowed me to be confident in what the Church teaches on abortion and understand my role as a Catholic voter.

Fasting for the Upcoming Presidential Election

Father John Riccardo is the host of Ave Maria radio’s “Christ is the Answer.” He lives in Michigan and is the youngest of five children. Father Riccardo credits his parents for making a relationship with God and everyday faith a “normal” part of living. According to Father, his parents not only taught by their words but by their actions as well.

Father Riccardo graduated from University of Michigan and spent some time working in the secular world before pursuing his vocation as a priest. He was ordained in the Archdiocese of Detroit in 1996. Father studied philosophy at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit and theology at the Gregorian University in Rome. He received a Sacred License in Theology (STL) from The Pope John Paul II Institute for Studies on Marriage and the Family. The radio program Father hosts, “Christ is the Answer” is a catechetical program and one of the most informative I listen to on Catholic radio. For more information on Father, visit www.AveMariaRadio.net where you can listen live to his show any weekday at 11 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time-these shows are previously aired) or 8 p.m. on Wednesday evenings (new shows).

Most recently Father was a guest on Catholic radio’s pledge drive and spoke of the need for fasting and praying in the time leading up to this November’s presidential election. I asked Father if he would answer a few questions and he graciously agreed.


Father, you've mentioned fasting and praying, on Fridays, for the election. Could you give us a bit of direction on this and how we can join others in this cause?

The sense of a need to fast for this election came some months ago now when our readings at daily Mass dealt with the history of the people of Israel during the reign of the various kings, and in particular with the reality that the life of the king effected the people as a whole. This is a concept we don't keep in mind much in the US. We tend to think a person's private life is entirely their own. Now, there's some truth to that, but the idea that the life of a leader has no impact on the life of the nation he or she leads is entirely in contrast to the revealed Word of God. It was during that time that I felt the Lord put on my heart a deep conviction to not only fast myself but to invite others to do the same for God's mercy and blessing upon our land until and specifically for the men and women running for public office. Perhaps many of us forgot, or are unaware, of how often some of our Founding Fathers would call the nation to pray and fast during certain times. As for the nuts and bolts of the fast, I myself just drink liquids on Fridays until dinner, and then break the fast at that time, trying to call to mind throughout the day the intention that I have. Some people, I know, can't fast from foods for various reasons, but something else could easily be substituted in its place.


What do you see as the biggest challenge facing the Catholic Church today?

The Lord says in His Word, "My people perish for lack of knowledge." I think that might be how I would answer that question. It's a question with many possible answers, but this comes to mind right now anyway. That lack of knowledge would be manifold: about God, about His personal love, about the basics of our faith, about what it means to be a Catholic, and so forth.


What do you suggest Catholics do to live their faith more fully?

This, too, is a topic that could fill a book, but certainly some basics come to mind. First of all would be to put in place a game plan for how to live this life well. We have strategies for almost everything we do with regards to various parts of life, but seldom do we take the time to come up with one for all of life. I think it works best by starting with the desired end: heaven and hearing the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" That end, sobering as this is, is not a given. It's a gift, to be sure, and so not something that we can earn, but it must still be received by each of us. Each of us needs to prayerfully determine how we should respond to the gift of life entrusted to us by God, and how to live in such a way so as to try to honor Him in all we do and build up the civilization of love here and now. Fundamentally, I think, it starts by making a commitment to pray, to "waste time with God," as I put it. This isn't to imply that prayer is a waste of time; not at all! It's meant to convey that we need to be in the daily habit of wasting time in a positive way with Him, of listening to His voice in silence and in Scripture, of praising Him, thanking Him, saying we're sorry, asking for help, asking for vision, and so much more.


Finally, could you give us a little insight into your thoughts about the upcoming election?

We obviously have many pressing issues and needs in our country at present, and each day only seems to raise even more concerns, with economic concerns currently dominating the headlines. I think I'm sobered, quite frankly, by how much hostility seems to be out there, on all "sides," and how little humility there seems to be.



Author’s note: If you’ve not yet read a Catholic voter’s guide or would like to understand, more fully, what it means to be a Catholic voter, here are a few helpful links… http://www.ewtn.com/vote/brief_catechism.htm, http://www.catholic.com/, http://westcoastcatholic.blogspot.com/2008/08/archbishop-chaput-vote-for-real-change.html, and http://www.stlouisreview.com/abpcolumn.php?abpid=7051


Cheryl Dickow is a Catholic author and speaker. Her books include “Elizabeth: A Holy Land Pilgrimage,” “Renewing Your Christian Self,” and “Raising Christian Children.” Her website is www.BezalelBooks.com

Ground-Breaking New Series for Catholic Tweens

Ground-Breaking New Series for Catholic Tweens.

2008 has been a significant year. Catholic women everywhere have been encouraged to embrace their worth in celebration of the 20th anniversary of John Paul II’s Mulieris Dignitatem, his Apostolic Letter on the Dignity and Vocation of Women. Some have participated in the Catholic Exchange woman’s study, others have attended retreats and workshops, while still others have made personal commitments to spend more time studying Church teachings and the various documents, like Mulieris Dignitatem.

It is such a beautiful time to be a Catholic woman and embrace our relationship with Christ. We are being encouraged to seek out writings that clarify what we mean to Jesus and how He treated women quite differently than the “norm” of His time. Many of us are finally learning to “own” that knowledge. But before we became women of God we were young girls seeking to know ourselves and often succumbing to secular messages. Indeed, it can sadly be said that as grown women we often, still, mistakenly buy into the same messages that inundate our young girls today.

That is why it was with great enthusiasm that I accepted a position to edit a series of books intended for Catholic ‘tweens. I knew it was a blessing to work on such a project that addressed all the real issues girls face in regards to friends or fashion and yet addressed them in light of the Truths of the Catholic Church.

The first book (Friends, Boys, and Getting Along) has been endorsed by best-selling Catholic author and pediatrician Dr. Meg Meeker and has been featured on Sacred Heart radio. “Friends, Boys, and Getting Along” has only been out a few short weeks but is becoming wildly popular among moms and their daughters eliciting such emails as, “Finally! A book that both my daughter and I love!”

All in all there are five titles in the “All Things Girl” series:
Friends, Boys, and Getting Along
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…What is Beauty, After All?
Girls Rock; Mind Your Manners
Modern and Modest.

There is also a journal that accompanies the series called “All Things Girl Journal for Prayers, Thoughts, and Other Important Things.” The series is done in color and the book’s trim size is 7x10. The smallest page count is the first book (Friends, Boys, and Getting Along) and the journal at 40 pages each while the other titles are approximately 55 pages. What is wonderful about the book is the great use of color and graphics and the fact that the paper used is a thicker stock with the idea that the girls will read these books again and again.

Each book in the series begins with a section titled “High Class” in which the focus is the dignity inherent in being a daughter of the King. Staples in every book in the series include a media piece written by media specialist and Catholic radio host Teresa Tomeo. In the first book Teresa writes about such things as cyber-bullying and in the second book how the media negatively influences body image. All the books have a section called “A Girl Like Me” in which a particular saint is showcased and her life story is shared as a way to inspire our young girls with role models far more to our liking as parents than anything the secular world dishes out. There’s a section called “You’ve Got to Have a Plan” in which the girls are given some basic ideas of how to commit to a prayer life. In addition to the mainstays in each book, there are a number of different sections that change from one book to another. For instance, the first book has a few fun “quizzes” for the girls to take and some interesting questions that help them with an examination of conscience. It introduces the different vocations to which girls may be called and sets the groundwork for future sections to explore more fully. The second book offers some great “make at home” recipes for bath salts and gives manicure and pedicure steps while also spending time delving into “real beauty.” The third book has a great section on the feminine genius. Each book, then, has a focus along with things that make it clearly part of a series.

No matter what draws the girls back again and again, the series beautifully relies on the simple truths of JPII’s teachings to develop virtues amidst every tween’s concern for fashion, beauty, and friends. This series helps each girl discover the unique privilege and call upon her life in God’s kingdom. She will learn that she is a princess and how saying “yes” to God’s plan for her life can change the face of the world forever! That is JPII’s message of “feminine genius” as it applies to all females. The books provide guidance along with the fun quizzes, tips, and stories that are meant to enforce the role parents as the primary educator of their children.

I asked the authors about their overall goal for the series and to share their own personal experience that brought them to this point where they felt “called” to put this ground-breaking series together.

Here’s what Molly Miller shared: My goal for the ATG series is to have something out there for girls in their tween years that represents solid Catholic teaching. I wanted something that would plant seeds of Faith especially in the midst of secular messages. I felt it was necessary to address topics that are real in the life of young girls, such as taking care of their hair and skin, while imparting the knowledge that they have inherent dignity and recognizing what modesty truly is, and that is a cool thing! My hope and dream is for girls to read these books over and over and to internalize the message.

Teresa Tomeo, who writes a special media piece for each book in the series, offers her own hopes and dreams for the series: I was greatly inspired most recently by my taking part in the Vatican congress for women marking the 20th anniversary of Mulieris Dignitatem. It gave me a much deeper perspective on the Church teachings as they relate to women and their true dignity. And I really wanted to inspire girls to see how beautiful they are – made in the image and likeness of God, and to help them gain their identity through a relationship with Jesus and not from the negative influences of the world. To do that there needed to be a counter-culture message of “real” beauty and dignity. I found that there was really nothing like this out there in the book stores for tweens and teen girls written from a completely Catholic perspective. Something that gave families a really good tool to help educate their daughters and also provide private schools and homeschool families with some beautiful materials as well.

Monica Cops shared her thoughts and the lessons gleaned even in working on the series: The overall message of ATG is to make tween girls aware of their dignity as daughters of God and how they need to express it in all areas of their life: in their friendships, in their appearance, manners, speech, etc. The books provide girls with practical insights to grow closer to Jesus, to grow in virtue, and to learn from the lives of the saints. It's all of these aspects of the book that makes this series one of a kind! The books are fun and easy to read as the pages are very colorful and engaging. My goal for ATG is for all tween girls to realize that they can have a relationship with Jesus as they grow up; He is their Best Friend! They can continue to live their ordinary lives -family, school, sports, fun, etc- and at the same time grow in their faith. Realizing that they are daughters of the King, they are princesses! For me, working on these books has been an amazing experience; I have learned to trust God more, especially when things don't seem to be going the way I had planned them! I have learned that when I put God first, no matter how busy or tired I am, things always work out the way they should. While doing the research for the books, I have come to realize more fully the gift of being created a female. This makes the messages of the book not only important to our daughters but to ourselves as well!

The series is available on Amazon or can be ordered at your favorite Catholic bookstore.

Note: Teresa Tomeo is a media specialist and Catholic talk show host. Her website is www.TeresaTomeo.com and anyone can sign up for her newsletters. She can be contacted at 586-777-2691 to schedule her popular talk dedicated to tweens and teens called, “Choices and Challenges Facing Today’s Teens.”

Molly Miller and Monica Cops offer talks and presentations based upon the topics of the series. They also speak at Mother/Daughter events where they offer such products as bracelets, bookmarks, and door hangers for the “All Things Girl” series. Their website is www.RunwaytoReality.org.